1 post tagged “ryan speier can suck it”

My BF(F) was working tonight, so I told him I'd text him updates of the game.  Apparently I am the best commentator ever.

Three up, three down in top of first.

Fuck! First guy up hit a homer.

Fuck!!!

Wow.  That was a lot like getting nails stabbed into your face.  3-0 Sox.

Helton K.  Atkins 2B.  Hawpe K (though questionable, I thought.)  Tulo 2B.  Atkins scores.  Torrealba grounds out.  3-1

Francis strikes one out.  Some 12-year-old grounded out.  He walked some dude trying to sport the Helton facial hair.  Ortiz doubles while Holliday sits with his thumb up his ass.  Shitty Taveras threw like a girl.  Relay too late from Tulo...

Some douche popped up to Kaz.  4-1.

Spilborghs lined out.  Taveras flied out to stupid Ramirez.  Kaz popped out.  More amazing offense from the boys.

Oh, we're back.  Francis Ks Varitek.  Some big long conversation about rain.  Drew hops one to Helton, out two.  Some question about Canadian pitchers.  My boyfriend missed the ball that Lugo bunted.  One on.

The 12-year-old grounded out to Kaz.  Holliday up.

It's raining a lot now.  Umpire is not happy.  Holliday grounds out to third baseman.  Helton doubles off the GREEN MONSTER.  Boyfriend hits like 37 foul balls, then strikes out.  Hawpe swings at shit my blind grandma wouldn't swing at.  K for him.

Oh, shit.  I totally missed the first two outs.  Stupid Ortiz singles to LF.  Evidently the rain has REALLY let up.  Fucking Ramirez hits a double.  Ortiz to 3rd.  Morales warming up.

Asswipe east coasters taunting FRAN-CIS.  Oh, we walked someone intentionally.  Varitek doubles, interferred with by a fan.  6-1.  Drew up.

Drew strikes out.

More shit.  No runners.  6-1.

FYI, my boyfriend is precisely one month younger than I am.  (I was getting kind of bored.)

Morales pitching.  12-year-old on first.  Pedroila pops out to Tulo.  Helton look alike up.  Oh, a balk called by home plate ump.  What a shitty call.  Yukelis is Helton look alike.  JESUS CHRIST.  7-1.

AAAHHH!!! Ortiz doubles to right center.  Yukelis in to score.  I'm going to have to kill someone soon.  Ramirez hits JUST over Tulo.  9-1.

Oh, shit.  Apparently someone hits a double to LF.  Their bullpen keeps playing their Coke bottles and water bottles and shit.

They have Speier warming up.  FYI, I HATE that guy.  Morales walked Varitek.  We've had two outs for like, 7 hitters.  Tulo dives and stops the ball from going to CF.  But, another run in.  Speier coming in.

That dickhead Speier has walked in TWO runs.  28 minutes has this half inning been going.  Helton trying to talk Speier into not being a shitbag.

Herges gets Yukelis to pop up to Hawpe.  Thank all the gods in all the lands.

Are you dead?  Rockies had two hits, one double play, no runs.

First pitch a ball from Herges.  Shock!  Answer to the Canadian pitcher question.  Ortiz pops up to Holliday.  Some guy flied out to Hawpe.  Herges walked Lowell.  Herges strikes some guy out.

At this point he responded that he was busy and sad that our team has "crapped the bed."  So I stopped texting.

All in all?  Fuck you, Ryan Speier.  I keel you, you mother beetch.